He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
