I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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