ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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