i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
