This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize