dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I will pee on everything he values.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
