Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
