im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
