I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
