she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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