Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Randomize
