I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
