the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
