did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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