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Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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