he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
