Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
