You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
