u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
