she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
