oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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