Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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