we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
