why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
