Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
