Already got asked if we're dating
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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