Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
