Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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