Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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