Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
