my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
