I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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