I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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