Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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