I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You need Xanax blowdarts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
