I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
