I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize