everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
