I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
