I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
