Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
