Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
