walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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