I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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