Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
where are my eyebrows?
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