i think my mom watched the whole time
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
