can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
