Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
