just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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