let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize