There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
