This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
