none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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