We named our party play list daddy issues
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
