Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
