you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
