wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
