i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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