I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize