I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
