ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
