i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
