You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
