remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
