phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
