went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
