I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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