I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
