y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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