Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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