I just saw a hot homeless man
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
