check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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