this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
