Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
