Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
