I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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