nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
