so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
