sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
