Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm like, not good at living.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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