I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize