five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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