mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
