She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
