I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
