I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
