It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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