bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
