just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
