Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
