I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
