You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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