I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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