I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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