I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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