You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
