just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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