My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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