My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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