Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
