we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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