I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
