I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
