kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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