Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
