I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize