batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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