I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize