we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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