I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
