My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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