hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
