please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
