Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
